As valentine’s day hits and couples gush over one another on social media, I want to advocate for self-love, the most important love at all. Your relationship with yourself will be the longest relationship of your life. No matter who comes and goes, you’ll always have you. So many of us love and care for other people, but why can we not do the same for ourselves?
Self-love isn’t all candlelit baths and massages. Nor is it self-absorption and self-interest. I used to think that self-love is egotistical – that if you loved yourself, you were full of yourself. This could not be further from the truth.
Self-love is about having self-respect, knowing what you deserve. It’s about honouring your needs and knowing you are worthy. It’s accepting all your flaws and being compassionate with yourself even when you make mistakes – because you are human. It’s about taking time to practice self-care and look after yourself, mentally, physically and spiritually. It’s saying no to things that you really don’t want to do because you value your time. It’s about getting to know every inch of your being and loving all of you.
If you don’t love yourself, how do you truly expect to receive love from someone else. Do you feel truly worthy of love?
Self-love became a fundamental part of my healing journey, so much so that I got it tattooed on my arm as a daily reminder of how important it is. Because lets be honest, self-love can be hard a lot of the time, and it’s easy to slip into old habits of negative self-talk and not putting yourself first.
High self-love has a positive effect on your mental health and relationships. Don’t be afraid to love yourself, it’s not big headed, it’s essential to your wellbeing. Self-love means we take better care of ourselves and lower our stress levels. If nothing else, lowering stress levels is essential to our physical health.
Still not convinced? Here’s some benefits of practicing self love:
We become more resilient because we are more compassionate with ourselves. When we suffer setbacks or challenges we are more likely to be kinder to ourselves rather than get stuck in negative self-talk, and therefore see these challenges are opportunities for growth.
You open yourself up to more opportunities because you believe in yourself. Imagine how beautiful life could look if you were less scared to step out of your comfort zone?
More energy for the things you actually want to do, rather than saying yes to things you feel obliged to even though your body and mind are screaming no.
Self-love will help you develop healthier habits as you will make better health decisions out of kindness for your mind and body.
Self-love improves your relationships. When you love yourself you won’t feel as dependent on other people for your sense of self-worth. Many people look to their partners to complete them, but when you cultivate self-love you take that pressure off your relationships.
How to practice self-love
Get to know yourself.
And I mean really get to know yourself. What lights you up and what triggers you? What shadows are you hiding? What are your insecurities and where do they come from? What are your dreams for the future (and not what society deems to be right, but what do you really want?). You need to go to the depths of yourself if you want to truly love yourself. You need to know every inch of your being, the good and the bad. Understanding your shadows helps you develop real compassion for yourself. You can’t only love your best bits, you need to love it all. I use my journaling practice for this and it's been transformative.
Build a self-care routine.
This is time carved out of your day just for you, to show yourself that you matter, you deserve to be cared for. There’s no rules here, and you can spend as little or as much time as you like. But the most important thing Is you making a promise to yourself daily that this time is for your wellbeing, because it’s important.
Celebrate yourself.
We all acknowledge when a friend or family member has done something great, but rarely do it for ourselves. Next time you achieve something, no matter how big or small, take time to celebrate you. Journal about what you're proud of, or treat yourself when you've achieved a goal (and I don't just mean a glass of wine).
Remember, self-love is a process. We're not going to love ourselves every day. Society is constantly bombarding us with messages of why we shouldn't love ourselves, so it's a constant battle. But if you can feel at home in your own body, there's nothing more grounding. There's no denying we all need human connection and people to love around us, but let's stop ignoring the need to love ourselves too.
Comments