Someone who I love dearly recently opened up to me about how they are struggling with their mental health. All I wanted to do straight away was make it better for them (that’s the 5th line in my human design), but when asked what they can do to help themselves I ended up rambling, listing off a load of things but not really being specific. I was so desperate to share everything that had worked for me, but I came away from the conversation feeling like I hadn’t really helped. The truth is, healing is complex and it’s an accumulation of so many things, some big and some small. There isn’t a quick fix or one magic bullet. But there are some specific things that actually really helped me, and now I’ve come away from that conversation and had space to gather my thoughts, I feel like I can articulate it better. Here's 6 things that helped change my inner world…
Therapy
Perhaps an obvious one, but instrumental in me getting better. No one has to go it alone, or is expected to have all the answers with no support. There is absolutely no shame in going to therapy, none. It’s the best thing I ever did and I’d recommend it to anyone. I chose not to take the NHS route (personal preference) and found a therapist who specialised in holistic healing, Ayurveda and inner child therapy. She gave me more self-healing tools than I could have ever hoped for. I don't believe therapists are there to heal you, but instead are there to give you the tools and guidance so you can heal yourself. And there is nothing more empowering than knowing you are your own healer. Try and reframe therapy. Look at therapists as your guides and teachers. Maybe then it can feel a little less daunting.
A morning routine
This can seem so simple, but how you start your morning can influence the rest of your day. There are science backed benefits of a morning routine and for me it really has helped. You won’t necessarily see huge benefits straight away, but I promise it has long term effects. If you start your day calm, relaxed and showing yourself some love you will carry that feeling with you for the rest of the day and have a much healthier mindset. At some point I'll write a separate blog about my morning routine because of how important it is, but here are a few ideas to help get you started:
Enjoying a warm herbal tea before consuming anything else
Following a guided meditation or just listening to some meditation music
Journaling (one of my personal faves)
A short wake up yoga (nothing too strenuous)
A loving skincare routine.
Start small, it doesn’t have to take hours.
Reading books
Let’s just remove the stigma around self-help books and realise what a huge part they can play in your healing. One of the first books I read after therapy was ‘How to do the work’ and it really helped cement everything I’d learnt in therapy, as well as help me go deeper. I gained so much self-awareness by reading this book, which I personally believe is the cornerstone to my healing. I understand what my triggers are and why I’m being triggered, and it helps put situations into perspective. I can now take my time to react to things and handle my emotions a lot easier. There are so many experts in the field who have spent years studying– utilise their knowledge and empower yourself. The more you know, the better equipped you are to handle life.
Practicing self-love
I’m not sure I gave myself much love before I started healing. I very rarely put my own needs above others, I didn’t have any boundaries in place, I let certain people hurt me over and over again, I didn’t prioritise me time and I’d never give myself compliments. I’ve changed all of that now and the way I feel about myself has shifted in big ways. I now make sure I have time for myself to practice self-care and do the things that light me up. I’ve invested in myself in many ways because I feel worthy of it. I have put boundaries in place with people who I never thought I could, because my mental health is more important than anything. I now speak to myself much more kindly and regularly celebrate myself and everything I’m proud of. I will always advocate for self-love above anything else now.
Journaling
Probably THE best, most powerful habit I’ve created. I can’t express enough how much journaling has helped me. I get asked a lot ‘but what do you write about?’ and it didn’t come naturally straight away. I didn't go very deep to begin with, and it probably read more like my teenage diaries where I wrote about what I did that day. But the beauty is, there is no right or wrong way to do it. Your journal isn't for anyone else. Remove any judgement and just get comfortable putting pen to paper. Over time it can help you work through your emotions, become more self-aware and gain meaningful insights into your psyche. I can literally write for hours now and love making sense of what's going on inside my mind. The journal comes everywhere with me now.
Go into your cocoon
Nicole DePera talks about the cocoon stage of healing, and when I look back on my journey I recognise this as something I experienced even though I didn’t see it at the time. And in hindsight it was a really important stage of my healing. It’s the pull to disappear, be alone and spend time actually getting to know who you are. To the outside world it can look like your hiding, retreating from real life. But it’s where all the hard work was done. It was my time to go inwards and figure out what needed healing. It allowed me to realise that so much of who I was is simply conditioned patterns of behaviour that have become habit. When I emerged, I was no longer the same person and I could see things differently. Don’t be afraid to go into this space. It’s your time to grow and you are allowed to take time away to figure things out.
I hope some of these tips can help you get started on your own healing journey. Even if you only resonate with one thing, it's one step closer to feeling yourself again. Just be patient, things will get better.
All my love,
Emma
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